Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Apr-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 17 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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The 60mph gales expected to hit the country this weekend won't worry my daughter Clare. She's already been swept off her feet by Alan, after all…
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Now although the details are still shrouded in secrecy, it looks like he stepped over the line and breached the code of acceptable behaviour. It's OK Alan, you can relax, I'm talking about Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt, not you on your stag weekend in Prague…..
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It seems everyone is saying sorry this week - there's Rupert Murdoch and Barclay's Bank for a start. As for me, I'll apologise in advance for my appalling sense of rhythm when the DJ plays Woops Upside Your Head later this evening….
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This week has been one of the wettest on record, with many parts of the country getting a month's worth of rain in three days. But nothing could dampen the love and enthusiasm around Clare and Bill's wedding - it's like water off a duck's back….
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Bad news for the Prime Minister this week. Some of his closest friends and supporters have said he looks like a bit of a posh boy. My new son-in-law will know how that feels today - I've never seen him look so smart….
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Scientists at Dartmouth College in the US this week identified the part of the brain that's responsible for saying 'no'. Fortunately the nucelus acumbens in Clare's head wasn't working today, and she said 'yes' to Bill….
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The makers of Barbie dolls have just launched versions of Prince William and Kate Middleton as they appeared on their wedding day. Sadly there are no 11inch high plastic versions of my daughter Zoe in existence, but to us she's always been an absolute doll, and always will be.
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George Osborne is coming under pressure this week, with the International Monetary Fund demanding billions in loans and handouts. It may not be quite the same scale, but as father of the bride I know what it feels like to have to put your hand in your pocket….
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This weekend it was 100 years since an enormous, magnificent great hulk met its match in the form of an invincible force of nature. I'm talking about the centenary of the Titanic disaster, of course. When I met Chloe's mum - well that was nowhere near a hundred years ago…..
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Just like the sister of a princess, my lovely daughter gets to act like royalty today. I'm just hoping that when she and David drive away from the reception, they won't brandish firearms at the photographer…..
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We are all happy to be here to celebrate the wedding of Rebecca and George, in the same year that marks 100 years since the first successful expedition to the North Pole. Of course, I’m not suggesting a wedding day is anything like a 3000 km hike, but George - here’s some Kendal Mint Cake just in case…
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(for weekend weddings) It's great to see some young children here to celebrate the wedding. It's a good job it's not a school day, or Michael Gove would be after you….
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Fiona and Chris have decided not to stockpile fuel in jerry cans, despite the government's advice. There's such a spark between them it just wouldn't be safe….
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This week we've seen how an old reprobate with a dodgy past can confound expectations to whip up support and influence young people. I'm not talking about George Galloway - no, I mean Uncle Arthur (personalise for old guest) and how well he's getting on with the girls over there….
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Well, Fiona was a few minutes late to arrive at today's ceremony, but as I was with her I can attest that it wasn't the traditional panic about veils or flowers that held her back. It was when the limo had to stop for petrol and the queue was round the block.
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I'm sorry if people thought there was too much cold food on the buffet today. We were planning to have Cornish pasties straight from the oven, but times are hard, and we had to economise here and there…
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Fiona and Chris aren't going on honeymoon immediately - they're going to spend the evening writing thankyou letters for all your generous wedding gifts. That way they can beat the price rise on postage stamps.