Concise Father Of The Bride Speeches
When everyone is full of cake, turkey and pleasantries, nobody wants to sit through a speech the length of War and Peace: Extended Directors Cut. Brevity is your friend in a situation like this, as even if you somehow cock it up (and with our help that'll take some doing!) your ramblings will be so brief and to the point that it'll be over in a jiffy. Of course you won't mess it up, because our expertly crafted short and sweet templates will help you jimmy in a few sweet lines, the odd wisecrack and a nice sprinkle of sentiment. All of this in a length of time so short you'll be able to cope with sucking your stomach in throughout the speech.
Punchier Than Mike Tyson
(A short sharp piece never fails to impress a crowd, so always aim for brevity with your jokes and anecdotes.)
Like a man who knows what he’s doing in the bedroom, if you hit all the right spots with maximum efficiency, minimum dribbling, you'll leave the other parties very satisfied. Size isn’t always everything, and with a speech it’s definitely what you do with it that counts. Cover the Bride and Groom in equal measure, and make sure your piece contains more references to “him, her and them” rather than “Me, myself and I”. Keep the zingers short, the anecdotes relevant and for sanity’s sake keep it down to fewer minutes than you can count on one hand.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have decided to keep this speech as short as I can, so if you don’t find it entertaining you can at least compliment me on its length... a compliment I rarely receive. Obviously I have to congratulate Paul now for a great many things, but I've actually commended the groom already prior to today. 'Paul,' I said to him, 'Well done! You will always look back on this day as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, as he set off to down twelve pints and toss a dwarf on his stag night.
Keep it Brief
(If you don’t feel comfortable talking at length then cover the important parts and skedaddle.)
Grandiose speeches aren’t for everyone, and if you’re not a natural orator then you’re unlikely to have everyone rolling in the aisles or crying their face off, so don’t overstretch. Keep it light and cover the main points, i.e. the embarrassing story, the beautiful bride, the tribute to the groom’s good standing. That’s all you need really, there’s no need to make a show of yourself with an attempt at a comedic routine, save that for the dance floor when you’ve had eight whiskeys and two portions of trifle.
So what about my daughter’s new husband? Paul has many fine points. One of these is a wonderful and refreshing sense of loyalty. Most men can’t keep it in their pants long enough to make trousers viable, let alone commit their best years to a loving marriage. Another obvious asset Paul has is his great generosity, which I encourage you all to test when you see him at the bar later. And another, even more blatant and most important attribute for today, is his eye for a beautiful woman. So keep that other eye closed sunshine.
Economical in More Ways Than One
(A short speech for a father who wants to make sure he actually gets to sleep in his own bed tonight.)
A couple who have been together for a long time may seem ripe for ribbing in a wedding speech, but let the best man take the risk covering that! The groom certainly won’t thank you for reminding everyone how long he took to propose. Some people go too far and can unsettle the room with uneasy truths, so in keeping the jokes light and broad you ensure everyone can have a good day, especially if your wife’s handy with a decorative candelabra.
When Linda and Paul finally announced their marriage, no one could have been more delighted than Carol and me. We’d all realised a long time ago that they were destined to be together forever, and marriage is merely a declaration of that fact. Some people might have thought Linda would get itchy feet having to wait for so long, but she couldn’t bear to leave Paul. She’s spent the last seven years teaching him obedience, why waste it?
Short, Sharp and Sarcastic
(Everyone loves a swift, gag-filled turn from the father of the bride, but don’t take up too much of the day with your 'hilarious jokes'.)
Tight and funny, this piece makes fun of the couple for taking their time getting married. Brevity is the soul of wit, so the worst thing you can do is drone on. People will forgive your corny dad jokes but not half an hour of them. If in doubt, keep it out. By the way, that advice refers to the length of your speech… always check your flies before you start.
Carol and I are grateful for the opportunity to welcome Paul into the family as our new son. With our other children we had to change their nappies and hide our car keys, but Paul’s come to us ready-made. He already has his own car and I’ve only had to change him once – it was a memorable stag do – so he’s already off to a great start.
Mock The Mundane
(The intricacies of human existence are where you can find the funniest nuggets, and this is especially true of a wedding day.)
The kind of humour that works best in a wedding situation is the broad, silly observational stuff that any generation can relate to. Much hilarity can be found in the intricate mundane details of a tightly regimented wedding day. The Bride and Groom will find jokes that relate to silly little things a lot more cathartic than harsh wisecracks about the size of their arses. If a Bride has genuinely gone mental over what colour tie the tiny marzipan Groom on the wedding cake has, and if it matches her husband’s, that is as ripe as they come for a bit of gentle stick.
We have always tried to instil in Linda the important values that make relationships work; patience, kindness, sharing, and most important of all, never go to bed in the middle of an argument. This is one piece of advice she has really taken to heart. She never goes to bed in the middle of an argument; she will always stay up until you collapse from exhaustion. The best time to go to bed is before the argument, that way you’re too tired from extra-curricular activities to care what the problem was in the first place.