Groom speech jokes - 101 winners

Displaying 1 to 10 of 101 classic groom speech jokes

  1. I have been told that this is usually one of the only times in a married manís life when he can be in the company of his wife and mother in-law and not be interrupted Ö I may be here sometime.

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    Thank you for all your wonderful gifts. I canít tell you how much they mean to us Ė but I should have a better idea after the honeymoon, once eBayís has worked its magic.

  2. Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - A wedding speech is one of those rare occasions when you get the opportunity to publicly say how you feel about the people you really care about. So Iím going to devote the next couple of minutes paying tribute to some very special people indeed. Starting with the bar staff Ö

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    Iíd like to thank you all for coming. Youíre all looking wonderful tonight. Iíve realised for the first time that I actually have some well-dressed, good-looking family and friends. Oh, no, wait, those ones are Lindaís family and friends.

  3. First of all, Iíd like to explain to some of the younger guests that just because the bride left the church with a different man to the one she arrived with, it doesnít mean she changed her mind.

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    Linda wanted everything to look just perfect today, and if you think I seem a little different to normal, youíd be right. I am in fact a 25-year-old model playing the part of Lindaís husband.

  4. Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married Ö Iíve been told to read this one instead.

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    Before we proceed I must make a very sad announcement which I hope doesnít taint these celebrations. Iím sorry to say that Linda and I are no longer engaged.

  5. I feel very fortunate to have married Linda. None of you will know this, but I've actually been congratulated already. 'Paul,' my father said to me, 'Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, as I set off for my stag night.

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    Right, Iíd just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, this is my day, so no heckling please Ė this includes the wife. And secondly, if you do have a mobile phoneÖplease, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. I think if you keep your spirits high and your expectations low, everyone will be happy.

  6. Iíve been feeling quite nervous about giving this speech for some time. But Iím pleased to say last night I slept like a baby Ė I woke up every two hours, crying my eyes out.

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    By now, Linda knows me quite well. I use 'quite' advisedly because if she knew me 'well' we may not be here today.

  7. Now I know Iím not the first bridegroom to be a little anxious on his wedding day, but actually since it started Iíve felt pretty relaxed, because Lindaís so organised sheís thought of everything. She arranged for the car to take me to the church, collected my suit from the hire shop and worked all hours of last night to write my speech. Darling Ė can I have it now, please?

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    Since Linda and I have been together, a lot of guys ask how I could woo such a beautiful, intelligent woman. Itís very simple: spoil them rotten, let them know youíll give them the finer things in life, and make sure youíre as witty and as cultured as your surroundings. On our very first date I took Linda to a flashy restaurant. I won't tell you where, as it's a special place for us, but I will tell you that Linda first melted into my arms with the line, ĎIf you were on the menu here, you would be a McGorgeous!í

  8. Before I begin, please can we ensure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception. Thereís a medical team waiting outside the building and Iíd like them to have a clear run when my father in-law is presented with the final bill.

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    Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to start by thanking everyone here for sharing our wedding day with us. Iíd also like to thank those few that couldnít be here today, because you've saved us a fortune.

  9. When it comes to talking about my bride's good points, where do I start? Sheís intelligent, generous, hard working, popular and a brilliant judge of character.

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    Lindaís been good for me. Since meeting her Iíve been motivated to change career, to lose weight, to drink less. And she supported me through all those failures.

  10. Today is rightly the happiest day of my life, and it will continue to be a date that I will cherish and celebrate as each year passes. And to ensure that I always remember this date as my special anniversaryÖ just once, I shall forget it.

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    Good evening everyone. The wife and I are delighted that you were able to come to our wedding. I canít imagine a happier way to start married life than in this wonderful venue with our family and friends around us. OK, so I can, but it would have to be an exceptionally big Jacuzzi.

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