Wedding Speech Material For May
The past month has continued 2016's rather nasty tradition of killing off celebrities. Unless you're especially skilled, it will be tricky weaving a feel good joke about Victoria Wood into your wedding speech, so you should look to other news stories instead. Top of list are Leicester City's Premiership title win at 5000/1 odds, Prince George meeting Barack Obama whilst wearing a bathrobe, and Beyonce releasing a new album that hints at Jay-Z cheating. And if none of those topics tickle your fancy, here are a few of our own topical offerings (and yes, we did mention a dead celebrity):
"As I look at Louise, she reminds me a lot of Prince - soulful, beautiful, and a true gift to the world. Looking at Keith reminds me of another celebrity we've lost recently; the straggly hair, the cheeky smile and the playful nature. Let us never forget that last month we also saw the death of the last surviving PG Tips monkey."
"Mike and Claire have booked their honeymoon for June, just as England depart for the European Championships. And those two things have a lot in common - boozy brits abroad causing havoc, excruciating tension, and several terrible performances which Mike will blame on foreigners."
May itself brings a few interesting events for you to reference in a wedding speech, including Pentecost, the anniversary of Osama Bin Laden's death, and the fact that there are two bank holidays bookending the month. If you can somehow concoct a joke which includes all three you should probably think about giving up your day job! Here are a couple of lines about forthcoming events or anniversaries in May which you might want to slip in:
"Now for those of you who don't know, May is of course Coeliac Awareness Month, which aims to help people understand gluten intolerance. So if any of you ate the bread rolls at the wedding breakfast and you're feeling a little queasy, you might want to nip to the bathrooms".
"They say April Showers bring May Flowers, so I suppose Jackie's lovely bouquet is what we get in exchange for it pissing it down last month."
If topical references to the month's events threaten to put a dampener on proceedings, then a few general jokes might be in order instead. This video includes fantastic piece by a father of the bride complaining about wedding freeloaders, and we've got two more bona-fide dad jokes for you below:
"John and Kate are lucky to both have exciting professional careers. I mention this because the last time I was at a wedding the bride was a limbo dancer and the groom was a locksmith. It was a low key affair."
"And thank you to young Nicky over there for filming the ceremony and the speeches. Personally I like to watch my own wedding video backwards. It shows me walking out the church as a free man."
So there you have our topical and non-topical suggestions for you to use over the month of May. We'll see you again in June for some warm weather wit, topical titbits, and hopefully a darn sight fewer celebrity deaths!