Recent Father of the Bride Speech Additions

Your catalogue of offensive one-liners and typical dad jokes might go down well at the Dog and Duck on a Friday night, but try and use these in a wedding speech and you'll end up utterly Dog and Ducked. Here's a tiny sample from the veritable treasure trove of fresh new observations on the modern role fathers play, both on the wedding day and in everyday life.

(A sample of the new lines we've added in November)

  1. [Bride's best quality / Popular]

    Over the years Linda’s made many friends. She’s a popular girl, extremely caring and warm hearted - and all round good company. But this should come as no surprise, we are related you know!

  2. [Bride's best quality / Meticulous]

    Linda’s planning of this wedding has been nothing short of meticulous, with everything discussed down to the very last detail. Whether to go with white or pink flowers, whether to book a string quartet or a rock band, whether to marry Paul or not…

  3. [Tongue-in-cheek reminiscences / Always gets her own way ]

    Ladies and gentleman, I'm making this speech today and I have a significant handicap at my daughter’s insistence - I'm sober.

  4. [Tongue-in-cheek reminiscences / Dislikes housework ]

    When Linda was a little girl she loved to play and had some very nice toys. She would merrily ride on her beautiful rocking horse, hold tea parties for her teddies and dress up her Barbies. The only toys I felt sorry for were the dolls that inhabited the doll’s house. I’m not saying Linda was never one for tidying up... but those poor dollies lived in absolute squalor!

  5. [Bride's career choice / Police ]

    Like a lot of Police officers, Linda is of the view that the justice system in this country is too lenient. Still, I think the life sentence the groom has received today is a bit harsh.

  6. [Moments from her past / Teenage ‘rebellion’]

    When Linda was growing up, she was always ready to give adults the full benefit of her inexperience.

  7. [Moments from her past / School years]

    You couldn't criticise Linda for the grades she got in school. Although I did try once, and this was her response: ‘I don’t get the best marks in school, daddy, do you get the best salary at your office?’

  8. [Affectionate words about the bride / comical recollections & light-hearted fun]

    If anyone tells you raising a daughter is nothing but a joy, they clearly have memory loss. Or sons. As Linda’s father, I had to deal with bawling, hissy fits, chucking bottles about the place… I even had to clean up her sick on more than one occasion. Believe you me, brides-to-be are a nightmare.