Commenting on your role as father of the bride / your duties and responsibilities
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It’s not uncommon for the father of the bride to be rather daunted by the duties he has to perform on his daughter’s wedding day. But you know, I’ve felt pretty relaxed. Why? Because my wife’s so organised I knew she'd sort everything: arrange for a car to take us to the church – which she did; collect my suit from the hire shop – which she did; and of course, my speech. So come on, Dear – can I have it now, please?
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My final duty is to propose a toast to the bride and groom, which reminds me of the wedding I once went to where two of the guests were a Minister and a Priest. When the Priest was offered a drink for the toast he said, ‘I'll have a large whiskey, please!’ When the Minister was offered the same, he said ‘No thanks, I'd sooner go with a Scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol!’ The Priest promptly put his whiskey back on the tray, and said, ‘I didn't know there was a choice!’ Now I don't want to offend anybody, so if there's a Priest or Minister present, I apologise - and if there's a Scarlet woman here, I'll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes!