Classic father of the bride speech jokes
Displaying 1 to 10 of 124 classic father of the bride speech jokes
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It’s not uncommon for the father of the bride to be rather daunted by the duties he has to perform on his daughter’s wedding day. But I’ve felt pretty relaxed, because my wife’s so organised I thought she'll sort everything – arrange for a car to take us to the church, which she did, collect my suit from the hire shop, which she did, and of course, my speech. So come on, Luv – can I have it now, please?
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When people find out you’re writing a wedding speech everyone has their own bit of advice to share with you. Most people seemed to be concerned about how I’d react if the speech didn’t go down well, but let’s face it, I’ve got 29 years’ experience of offending someone, being ignored, and being laughed at, so this should be a doddle.
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This takes me back to the last occasion that I was called upon to say a few words at a wedding. It was twenty five years ago this December and it was my wedding to Linda’s Mum Carol. I recall being totally lost for any thing of any consequence to say. A feeling of total inadequacy descended upon me. It was a new experience to me. I was young and really knew nothing about being inadequate.
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The last time I made a wedding speech, I was the groom. I didn’t make a job of it and for the remainder of the day my wife went around introducing me to everyone as her ‘first husband’.
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Apparently, woman sub-consciously choose a husband with a character furthest from that of their fathers – and only moments earlier I heard my wife describing her new son in-law as generous, sincere and good humoured.
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Despite agreeing to marry Paul and become one half of a happy couple, I’ve no doubt in my mind whatsoever that Linda will retain her strong sense of independence. When she was four she demanded her own side of the table, by age seven she was giving us itemised Christmas gift lists, and then at ten she announced to the family she was going to live on her own. The wife and I were shocked, especially when we found our clothes packed in suitcases on the front lawn.
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Today I am the proudest man in the whole world. Seeing your daughter looking so happy and radiant is a truly amazing experience, but it is tinged with a little sadness. For those who know me well, being generous does not come natural to me. It phased me a little in the ceremony when I had to give her away.
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As my friends and family know all too well, there aren’t many occasions where I’m completely lost for words. The first time it happened was when I met my wife, Linda’s mother, all those years ago. Then it happened again this morning when I clasped eyes on my beautiful daughter on her wedding day. I imagine the next time I’ll be lost for words is later when I see the bar bill.
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May I say in conclusion that Carol and I are happy to welcome into our fold two nice people not yet mentioned, but without whom Paul wouldn’t be here. No, I don’t mean the best man and the taxi driver, but Paul’s parents, already our valued friends.
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Paul… when Linda first introduced me to you I thought she’d performed a citizen’s arrest.
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I have no doubt of Paul’s qualities as a husband, but as a son-in-law we’ll have to see. Will he pop round to see us every Sunday, or will I continue to have to mow the lawn and wash the car myself?
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Today I have acquired the very best of son in-laws. He became part of our family from day 31, as it takes a month for the DBS to run a full background check.
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Any good father of the bride speech should end with some wise words about marriage, and I have some specifically for my new son in law Paul. Paul, it’s only when you reach my age that you realise what it means to go home at night to a woman who gives you respect, tenderness, and affection….what it means, is that you’ve gone to the wrong house.
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The most important advice I can impart to Paul today is that any good marriage involves regular clearing. Clear all your major purchases with the wife, clear the air after an argument, clear away the dinner table if she’s cooked, and clear your browser history if the wife’s been away for a few days.
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Weddings are a marvellous excuse for a big party, and today is no exception. We have a lot of people here today – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends… and a handful of people I recognize.
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I want to start by thanking all of you on behalf of the bride and groom for coming. I know that some of you were tempted here today by the free booze, others because my daughter would murder you if you missed it. I think for the groom it’s a bit of both.
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Linda has been a wonderful daughter to Carol and myself and at this point of our parting with her into another’s keeping we thank her for all the twenty-three unbroken years of joy that she has given us. I know she’s twenty-five, but we don’t count the first two years because there was nothing joyful about changing her nappies.
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Linda has put an incredible amount of time and effort into sorting out the date, the venue, the dress, the bridesmaids, the photographer, the caterers, the guest list, the DJ and, when all that was done, finally setting about finding someone to marry her.
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I don’t think anyone can argue with the fact that Linda looks stunning today in her gorgeous white gown. And Paul…well what can we say about him in that sharp suit of his. It reminds me of the old apocryphal tale about a little girl who, attending a wedding for the first time, asked her mother why the bride was wearing white. She told her white was the colour of happiness, and today was the happiest day of her life. The girl thought for a moment, and then asked “So why does the man wear black?”
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I really must offer sincere thanks to everyone who contributed towards the cost of this happy day: the families, the friends and not forgetting, of course, the payday lenders.