Of all the themes that you can give a wedding speech, one of the safest and most satisfying is one that references family members for comic effect. Since about half of the people there will have some connection to your family, humour which plays on the personalities of your kin is bound to get a good response, while also proving something of an eye-opener for those who aren't yet familiar with the brood. So if you're looking to put together a wedding speech with a family feel to it, where can you look for material?
Close Family
If you're the Groom, Bride or Father-in Law, then the most obvious folks to mine for material are your closest family relatives. This will give everyone an idea of what kind of background you yourself have come from. Best Men who are part of the family can also get in on this, but if you're a mate of the Groom you'll probably want to stick to jokes about those relatives you actually know, such as his parents, rather than making stuff up about the Groom's elderly grandmother. Here are some good lines:
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"Quite a posh place for us lot, isn't it dad? Look, I know you've had a drink but just be careful, alright? When you start nicking silverware, don't go putting the spoons in someone else's pocket."
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"Honestly, my sisters always seem to cry at weddings. Especially the ones when their Groom hasn't turned up."
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"The whole clan has pitched in today and made it real family effort. Mum did the decorations, Dad organised the food, Nicky booked the entertainment, and our brothers Daz and Chris…they had a wash, and they managed to put their shoes on the right feet. For them that's a pretty big deal."
Extended Family
Referencing the extended family with a few well-timed one-liners is a great way to show your appreciation for the effort they've made to come; and often goes down far better than a boring old thank you. Non-familial Best Men probably don't need to do this, but if your cousins, uncles, aunties and the rest have travelled a fair distance to be here today, make them feel welcome and loved by gaining a laugh at their expense:
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"Leah and I struggled to pick a honeymoon destination for a while actually, something I know folks in my family have had trouble with too. I remember for his honeymoon, my cousin Lee wanted to fly to exotic places, stay in five-star hotels on the waterfront and go to a fancy casino and restaurant every night of the week… but sadly his wife Jenny thought they should do some things together instead."
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"A healthy marriage requires healthy people - that's something I've always believed, and it's a mantra my dear Auntie Muriel shares too. She was married to Uncle Steve for 40 years, and at age 60 she suddenly quit the fags, ditched the booze and started walking five miles a day. That was four years ago… so God knows where she's got to by now."
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"On behalf of Amy and Mark, I'd like to thank you all for coming today, especially those of you who have undertaken an arduous journey to be here. My brother-in-law Johnny has had an especially difficult trip here so let's give him a round of applause. He lives just around the corner, but he had to share the car with my sister."
The Other Family
Even if you're not on familiar terms with the other family in the room, you can still make some amusing quips about them (as long as you're not too personal). If you do know them well then feel free to lay into your soon-to-be in-laws, but otherwise you'd be wise to stick to joking in more general terms.
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"I'm not 100% sure Hannah's grandmother approves of Pete, you know. Most people attach shoes and tin cans to the back of the wedding car - she was cutting the brake cables."
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"One of the things I love about Lucy is how close she is to her family, especially her grandparents Jack and Iris over there. Although one thing that worried me was when she said she was going to get married in her grandmother's dress - Iris has got a great figure but it's a bit cold to be getting starkers."
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"One thing I'm certain of is that Danielle is marrying into a fantastic family. I may not know all of you as well as I'd like just yet, but I'm sure once you find out how much I've left behind the bar that will change."
A Best Man's Family
If you're the Best Man and you're not related to anybody there, you can still get in on the act by talking about things you've witnessed, or events from your own family where relevant. You might have received a particularly pertinent piece of advice from your old man, or perhaps your own wedding day involved an amusing incident with a family member which may raise a smile. These jokes should be kept brief, but they're still worth looking into for material, as let's be honest - all families are as daft as each other:
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"I actually gave away my sister at her wedding. I stood up and shouted 'she used to be a man!'".
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"It's always nice seeing a father and son share a touching moment. I nearly cried myself when Bob went up to Chris and said 'Son, you'll look back on today as the happiest day of your life, it's the best thing you've ever done.' And he was right, you know. That was a cracking stag do."
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"I wanted to give Mike and Daisy some advice today, so I asked my own parents if they had any pearls of wisdom to pass on. My mum said a happy marriage is all about communication, communication, communication, and without that you've got nothing. Very true, I thought. Then I asked if she can get dad. "No chance love, he switches his phone off when he's down the pub'".
So there you have it, that's our guide to creating family funnies for your next wedding speech. An incisive and well-timed joke about your relatives in the room will not only have them rolling the aisles, it'll also make everyone feel as important as the bride and groom on your family's special day.