Find icebreakers, roasts and one-liners written specifically for father of the bride speeches happening this week.
The inclusion of a topical gag - in father of the bride script form - will add freshness and originality to your speech.
Displaying 16 of 286 topical father of the bride speech lines
27-Mar-2012
So David Cameron has admitted to hosting lavish dinners for people who made significant donations to the Tory party. Imagine that - treating your friends to food and drink to thank them for generous gifts - it's unthinkable. Hang on a minute though……
Britain was basking in fabulous Spring weather earlier this week, so I suppose it was asking too much to expect it to continue through the weekend. But when you look at how happy Elaine and Jeremy are today, it's like the sun has come out again….
Sir Alex Ferguson said this week that with the right fitness regime, Rio Ferdinand can keep playing for years and years to come. It seems that even when you're getting on a bit, you can still put in a top-class performance. If you don't believe me, just keep an eye out for me on the dance floor later……
As we celebrate with Laura and Pete, spare a thought for a couple on the Isle of Wight last weekend. A fire at their wedding venue saw 60 firemen working for 11 hours to put out the flaming presents. That's an awful lot of toasters…
Details were published on Monday of the ten-week route the Olympic flame will take as it wends its way around the UK. Ten weeks is nothing, if you ask me. Our Laura's been carrying a torch for Pete for years….
Osborne revealed his budget this week, which got us all talking about taxes. Fortunately Laura and Pete can relax - the Chancellor didn't put a tax on kissing….
It's a dazzling occasion, combining tradition, elegance, celebration and excitement - and as we all know, it can end up costing more than you'd planned. But today, instead of the racing at Cheltenham, we've all come to the wedding instead…
We've had a bit of drama with the bride's late arrival today. It was like Arsenal vs. Newcastle at the weekend - it must have been at least five minutes into injury time before we got a result…
It really gladdens my heart to see my daughter's face literally light up with adoration as she gazes incessantly at the one she loves. But happily she put her new iPad down for long enough to get married today…
Good to see Gareth, his best man and their pals got back safely and on time from the stag event. I'm not sure where they got to, but I was worried they might have been affected by the sun spots and solar flares…
Leading Jane up the aisle to give her away today, I'm not sure which one of us was most eager to get things underway. If it looked a bit like Prince Harry and Usain Bolt, that may have been my fault….
So Englebert Humperdinck is representing Britain in the Eurovision song contest. It just goes to prove that an old has-been who hasn't done much to shout about in forty years can still turn it on when he has to. For further evidence, watch me on the dance floor later…..
(at end of speech)…. so, with the news that Englebert Humperdinck has been chosen to represent Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest still in our minds, it only remains for me to say Please Release Me, Let Me Go….I thank you.
Claire had hoped for a carriage to bring her to the ceremony today, but we couldn't find the horses to pull it. I did contact the Met, but apparently all theirs were busy at a press conference…
Spring is the start of the wedding season, of course, and when you're my age, you see a pattern emerging. Every year flowers come into bloom, baby lambs gambol in the fields… and Andy Murray gets hammered by Roger Federer in strait sets...
A bit of advice from your new father-in-law, David - no matter how much you love the most important person in your life, you'll have your work cut out to keep them happy, and if you don't, the consequences could be disastrous. Just look at Andre Villa-Boas and Roman Abramovich….
(January) "We were going to serve Tesco burgers at today's reception, but decided against it in the end. You know what it's like at a wedding, there's bridal this and bridle that - we really didn't need any more bridle……"
(December) "The severe weather warnings are out this week. They're telling motorists to pack an old blanket and fresh food, to beg a loan of a shovel from a neighbour, and to carry plenty of de-icer. So that's something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue…"
(November) "It's Thanksgiving this week, when our North American cousins traditionally gather in family groups to eat, drink and give thanks for the good things in life. Well it's time for thanksgiving here, too. I'd like to thank everyone today for coming to the wedding, I thank my lovely wife for giving me a beautiful daughter in Julia, and I thank the alterations department at Moss Bros for letting out the waist on this suit…"
(September) "When they started going out, Dave took Sharon out to eat eight times, then on their ninth date, he took her to see the new Batman movie. So their relationship up to that point was dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner BATMAN."
(July) "A few days ago on the 4th July, Americans celebrated their historic parting from Great Britain with fireworks and barbecues. We're here to celebrate a marriage, not a divorce - but we're going to have an historic party all the same. And by the looks of that rabble on the back table, there may well be fireworks later…."
(June) "So my daughter Phoebe chose the weekend of the Diamond Jubilee for her wedding. Well, she's always been a diamond for us… expensive and shiny. And I just hope she's not going to be too hard on Paul…."
(May) "This weekend, the Olympic Flame finally sets out on its 67 day journey around the UK. My new son-in-law David reckons that's nothing - he's been carrying a torch for Jennifer since they met in primary school…"
(April) "We are all happy to be here to celebrate the wedding of Rebecca and George, in the same year that marks 100 years since the first successful expedition to the North Pole. Of course, I’m not suggesting a wedding day is anything like a 3000 km hike, but George - here’s some Kendal Mint Cake just in case…"
(March) "Well, it's finally happened. After almost two years of one-sided decisions where the dominant partner's wishes took precedence, the underdog finally got his way. No, not David Cameron backing down to Nick Clegg on health reforms, but Alan's choice of honeymoon destination."
(January) "In a week when Britain's national debt topped £1trillion, it's good to see Cath and Martin - and of course Cath's Mum and the rest of the family - going for an understated, modest wedding, without too much unnecessary extravagance. In fact, they've been spending my money quite carefully…."
(November) "As we celebrate the union of Linda and Paul, the country is facing the worst economic and political turmoil we've seen since the eighties. You're probably too young to remember the eighties, Paul, but a woman was making all the decisions then, too…"
