Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Jan-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 15 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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It's been a wonderful wedding so far and sunny weather at this time of year is a bonus. Not quite an RBS bonus, but a bonus nevertheless.
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Well, after months of guessing and trial-runs, not to mention endless speculation from the experts, they've finally tied the knot. Yes, the FIFA transfer window has closed, and we know Cristiano Ronaldo isn't going to Ipswich….
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Thanks to the influence of The Only Way Is Essex, young people are apparently spending a fortune on white stilettos, sexy undies and…. well I believe it's pronounced 'vajazzles'. I much prefer to think my money's gone on cars, flowers and cake…..
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Champion boxer Amir Khan got engaged to his beautiful girlfriend in Bolton the other day - but I think everyone here will agree that the real knockout this week is my lovely daughter, Cheryl.
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I read in the paper that Simon Cowell kept And and Dec waiting two hours while he had a bath. No David, don't laugh - once you've lived with my daughter for a few weeks, you'll think that's normal.
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In a week when Britain's national debt topped £1trillion, it's good to see Cath and Martin - and of course Cath's Mum and the rest of the family - going for an understated, modest wedding, without too much unnecessary extravagance. In fact, they've been spending my money quite carefully….
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Some have asked how we saved the money to pay for our daughter's wedding. Well, like Harry Redknapp, we had a bank account in the name of our family pet, and Tigger managed to salt away a few quid over the years…
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Like every bride at her wedding, my lovely daughter Claire is queen for a day. And like the real Queen, we're refusing to buy her a yacht.
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We had originally planned to see Claire and Peter tie the knot in Westminster Abbey, with Gordon Ramsay doing the catering and a honeymoon in the Seychelles. But we took a leaf out of Arsene Wenger's book, and decided not to spend any money during January….
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It's been a delightful wedding today, and everyone's behaved themselves so far - even me. If it's not exciting enough for you, I can only suggest you watch Steve marry Tracy on Coronation Street this week.
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With silent movie The Artist tipped for glory at the Oscars, it seems going speechless is in fashion. So I'll shut up now, shall I?
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Claire is apparently wearing something new, something borrowed and something blue. She tried to pick up something old but the local branch of Past Times has closed. Mind you, as the oldest thing on the top table, I think I can complete the set for her...
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I'm sorry if my speech has been a little under-par. But no dad wants to upstage the groom. In fact I did a bit of a Mervyn Westfield, and took a bribe from Peter to under-perform.
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We were going to get Anthony Worrall Thompson to do the catering for the wedding, but he was detained at the last minute. So we said 'Ready, Steady, Cook' to the team here at The Grand Hotel, and they did us proud. Without involving the police at all…..
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So for most of us, this will be the first wedding of the Olympic Year. So remember - Christine and David - marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Best leave the javelin out of it. And most importantly, David, don't spend too much time watching the beach volleyball…..