Father of the Bride jokes for weddings in Oct-2012
The best thing you can do to keep any speech relevant and fresh is to have a few topical jokes thrown in to the mix. These should all be related to the day and occasion though; this isn't your audition for Have I Got News For You. Whether it's a public holiday, a chunk of tawdry celebrity gossip or a football team getting an absolute leathering; reference it if it fits the bill. Our selection of topical father of the bride speech jokes gets an update more often than a Windows operating system. See, topical right? Kinda.
Displaying 18 topical father of the bride speech jokes
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There's a lot of talk about exams this week, with teachers set to get tougher maths and English tests. Fortunately Cheryl and Dave only had to face one question each today, and they had a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right….
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We've just witnessed a solemn contract of commitment between two people who clearly love each other, even if they don't always see eye-to-eye about what clothes to wear. And as well as Rio Ferdinand signing for another season with Alex Ferguson, Jane and Campbell got married today.
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Amidst all the glamour and beauty of youth, it's great to see that a lady of mature years can still dazzle when she has an important role to play. My lovely wife's dignified, stylish and witty performance today is right up there with Dame Judy Dench in the latest Bond movie….
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You may have seen a story in the news about the couple who were put off booking exclusive Stoke Park Hotel in Buckinghamshire for their wedding reception because they 'were not the right sort of people'. Fortunately Jane and Campbell are everyone's right sort of people, and welcome everywhere. Except that place where Campbell held his stag party……
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Now apparently older people - those of us in the 55-74 age bracket - present more alcohol-related health problems than binge-drinking young men on stag weekends. Absolutely ridiculous, of course. When I read the story in the paper over breakfast, I almost chocked on my gin and tonic….
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I noticed there were a few tears during the ceremony earlier today - it was like an episode of Strictly with double helpings of Victoria Pendleton…
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In the news this week a Stockport woman has been ordered to appear in court after taking her son out of school to attend her own wedding. I don't know if any of the kids had to miss class to get here - but at least they'll learn something when they watch me on the dance floor later tonight….
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David Cameron might have been talking about my new son-in-law in his conference speech last week – when he spoke about 'not the better off, but the want to be better off'…. But John, riches will come your way soon - and anyway, my daughter Sophie is worth her weight in gold.
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A new study from the US this week confirms what most of us have known for years - bald men are perceived to be more masculine, dominant, taller and stronger. Well, it clearly works for Uncle Albert - he's fighting the girls off today….. (substitute name of any bald guest)
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Rod Stewart's autobiography is out this week, revealing how the 67 year old lothario still manages to turn heads and impress the ladies. Coincidentally, later on this evening when I'm on the dancefloor, I'll be asking 'do you think I'm sexy'…..
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As Samantha and David begin married life together, I've got one piece of advice, and that's always make up properly after a fight, and keep it to yourselves. Don't tell everyone on the tube about it and then leave a message on the answering machine like Roy Hodgson when he fell out with Rio Fernidand….
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We've come to expect the worst from stags, with all that pent-up testosterone and high spirits brimming over into potentially dangerous and threatening behaviour. Even so I was worried when I read in the news that a man was chased up a tree in Bushy Park, West London - and relieved to find my son-in-law had nothing to do with it.
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New pension regulations came into force this week, but I'm afraid they're too late for us. Clare's mother and I will have to depend on the generosity and support of our grandchildren in our later years. That's grandchildren, Clare and David. Not that there's any pressure….
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In the Ryder Cup last weekend Europe's golfers staged a thrilling fight-back to win against a seemingly impregnable US lead. For another example of middle-aged men in less than perfect athletic condition discovering unexpected skill, energy and determination at the last minute, look out for the dads on the dance floor tonight…..
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A big thank you to Dave's best man, Kevin, for his great work today. One of the traditional responsibilities of the best man is to act as a substitute and marry the bride if the groom is somehow prevented from doing so at the last minute. A bit like Frank Lampard's role at Chelsea….
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With the excitement of the recent Olympic Games still lingering in my mind, I’ve being searching for an appropriate sporting metaphor for today’s proceedings, and I think I’ve found one … Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a team event, not a solo race. And if you get caught checking out the competition too many times, you’re for the high jump.
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In this age of austerity, rising costs and financial uncertainty, I’m delighted to see the bride & groom going for an unpretentious, modest wedding, without too much unnecessary extravagance. In fact, any minute now the pony-drawn sled should arrive to whisk them off to the airport for their Caribbean honeymoon.
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I was reading an article about women's fashion the other day. Apparently hemlines get shorter when the economy is picking up, but when times are hard and the future is bleak, they get longer…and longer, and longer. Given that my daughter Chloe has a four-foot train, I think we're in for a double-dip recession…